Poetry With Me

I hear the whispers and the shame that follows

the anxiety that builds inside of me when I remember

Sharing intimate secrets and moments with a stranger it seems so unrealistic

I want to hold on to the devil I know

because when you hurt me

It’s expected, it’s nothing new

It’s exactly what I expect of you.

Those quiet moments when my mind tells me you are already one foot out the door

Too hard to find someone new who has different triggers for me to explore

I hold on to a ghost, a memory of you

the time passes as if we’re still young and hang on to our youth

in this suspended space we live in my brain

young and unafraid

But as I look in the mirror and see the time passed anyway

I give you up to find my own way

Letting go of your ghost leaves me scared and afraid

But holding on is leaving my hands bloody with rage

I wonder if you ever look back to see if I am still waiting

Wonder if you’re sad that I’m no longer there

But when I was, you never did care

You allowed the darkness to swallow me whole

left me with pain that became unfillable

The ghost of you must die inside of me

I can’t keep holding on just to see

if you would ever return to me.

Love Always,

GV Rioz