Poetry With Me

Let me tell you a story…

Almost 20 years ago now I was mindlessly scrolling online and looking for something at the time I didn’t really know what I was looking for or how it would alter my thinking.

You see I never really imagined myself as one of those girls who dreams about her wedding day. It seemed like something out of a movie or fairytale but then I saw it.

I saw the dress of my dreams it wasn’t extremely detailed or full of embellishments it was a sweetheart neckline with a crisscross tulle pattern soft and fluffy with a center that had silver jewels and sparkled in the light. It may not sound like much to you but to me it was a promise that life would change. That it would get better. This was a dress I had only dreamed about but had never seen in real life. I assumed it was just a coincidence but it planted a seed that grew.

Over time I dreamt of who I would marry, but as a woman, and we all know this to be true, there’s only one man who you dream of and its the one who first told you, “I love you.”

10 years later I was scrolling aimlessly again and there it was. This dress I loved. I thought maybe one day I’ll get married and get to use it. Maybe this is a sign. So I bought the dress. When it arrived it was in a large rectangular box. Extremely heavy and as I opened it slowly each layer of tissue paper that hid my beautiful gown peeled back like a flower, half way through was a card with my name acknowledging this dress was mine.

My heart pounded and my hands shook as I peeled back the final layers. The tulle was soft and silky just as I had imagined and the bodice was stiff but had the same soft feel. The silk lining touched my skin like the kiss of a petal. It was finally mine.

I packed away this dress and as the years came and went with the proposals and the break ups it waited hanging in the back of my closet just waiting for its time to shine.

10 more years have passed since then and seeing it in my closet I began to grow a bitterness and sadness that I couldn’t quite comprehend. I would sigh seeing it hidden behind my clothes peaking out from its hiding spot. My heart would ache feeling like it would sit there collecting dust forever.

Yesterday I pulled it out and hung it up between my windows. I wanted to see it’s beauty one last time. And it was still beautiful even after all these years.

As night came the shadow the dress cast gave me a chill of all the memories and moments when it almost made it out the back of my closet. But alas it was not meant to be.

Today I packed it lovingly into my car, careful not to drag the long fluffy tulle, I decided that today would be the last day the dress would be hidden in my closet and by noon I had given it away.

I watched as the girl took it in her hands as if it were just a dress and not a dream of a better end.

And while my heart broke to see it leave and move on to a new destination I realized that now I can finally let go of a dream that was never meant to be. Deciding that going forward will only be about me.

I will figure out how to make new dreams. I just needed to remember that the magic wasn’t in the dress, it was always in me.

Love Always,

Gv Rioz